Confessions of an Expat's Wife

from one country to another,thousands of miles earned, different languages to get by with, cultures and expectations to live with plus millons of photos taken to tell the adventures of my life

I was an independent woman trying to climb up the corporate ladder back in the Philippines. I had a goal and tried to work hard to achieve it. I came from an average family and just like every Pinoy son or daughter, I wanted to see my parents and family live comfortably as a way of thanking them for all the years they took care of me. It was my time to take care of them. I stayed focus and sometimes learned things the hard way but still I was set on my goal to be a successful career woman. This was how I measured success. If I had a management position, a high paying job, and enough money to take me out on night outs with friends even if I had to set aside some to take care of the house bills. If I was really successful, then I would be able to travel and visit different countries on vacation through the money I saved without worrying about the bills at home.

If you are Filipino and lived in the Philippines most of your life, you will know what I mean. It is quite normal for us to "contribute" financially to our family ( meaning parents and siblings) especially since we find ourselves living in the same house even if we are over the age limit ---> Read: 21 years old and above. Plus of course the fact that we normally cannot fend for ourselves at such young age(??!) and will rely heavily on our parents still.It is not unusual to find an underpaid and overworked Pinoy in and outside of the Philippines and yet we still manage to hold on to these jobs to make ends meet. If given a choice, of course we would rather have a better job and provide more for our families but there aren't many choices around!

Extended families are always part of the Pinoy culture. Lolo and lola stays with mommy and daddy together with the kids. Sometimes, even if the kids get married they still stay at home with the whole family together with the new addition ( meaning wife or husband and future babies). It is seldom that we find a family that will volunteer to have their grandparents put in a Nursing Home. That is tantamount to being not caring ang loving enough or like what we say in Tagalog "walang utang na loob". We just do not do that to our family no matter what and I am darn proud of it. We have strong family ties and no one can take that away from us. Sometimes, this also becomes a reason why we never succeed. We get stuck in the moment and find ourselves living and working in gratitude for our family.

So again, what are the things you won't do for love?

As for me, I left my job, sacrificed my career or whatever future I might have with work to marry the person I love. I swallowed hard and left my parents in Manila to see the world outside the Philippines and be with the one I love. At one point, I felt guilty leaving them behind. I owe them so much to just turn my back at them but I knew just by seeing the loving look in their eyes when my husband talked to them and asked their permission to marry me that they are willing to let go of me. They love me too much to make me stay.

I can never say enough thanks to my parents for the life the have given me and even if I am thousands of miles away from them, I still have them in my thoughts each and every day.

Now, I don't earn my own money. I am relatively "new" in this country and continously struggling to find my place in this world. Life is just full of surprises. My measure of success totally changed.

Do you think it's worth it?

My goal in life now is to see my love ones happy with or without money. Happiness and contentment is bliss but don't get me wrong though, I still would not mind winning the Euromillion or any lottery for that matter! It can be a lot of help in attaining my goal.

"Some people go around the world for love

But they may never find what they dream of

What you won't do, do for love

You've tried everything but you don't give up

In my world only you makes me do

For love what I would not do



But then I only want the best it's true

They can't believe the things I do for you

What you won't do, do for love

You've tried everything but you don't give up

In my world, only you makes me do

For love what I would not do

Makes me do for love what I would not do..."


-- What You Won't Do For Love by Bobby Caldwell.

As you can see and count the zeroes in each currency, you will notice that the money goes by the millions! The smallest amount in paper is one hundred thousand Turkish Lira ( 100,000) which is equivalent to approximately 8 cents. The first time I got here, I was so confused counting all the zeroes in their money. Since I was not acquainted with this kind of currency I always panic when I pay. One time, I went to an "Eczane" or pharmacy and bought a nail polish remover. I was thinking it would be less than five milyon lira so I gave the guy my five milyon lira. He started speaking in Turkish telling me something obviously I couldn't understand that I ended up paying by credit card instead. When I got home I realized what he was telling me. The item I bought costs 1.50 YTL or 1.5 milyon lira but I gave him 50 milyon not 5. He was asking if I had a smaller bill but since we couldn't understand each other and I was panicking I ended up using my credit card to pay for approximately one US Dollar!

Ahhh the joys of discovering things! Good thing, Turkey just implemented the New Turkish Lira or what they call Yeni Turkish Lira which got rid of all the zeroes in the money. The old ten milyon lira is now just Ten Lira and the five hundred thousand is simplified into 50 cents. Easier, no? Imagine working in a bank here with all those old system of currency. You go by the billions counting money! Whew!

For the first time in my life I am millionaire here in Turkey (through their money) together with the rest of the population. The thing is, I am just a mere millionaire in a billionaire's lair..

So now, who wants to be a millionaire here in Turkey? Be my guest...

*Photos of the YTL are snippets from Turkey Travel Planner.

I got this from Meeya's page. It's generally written in Filipino (warning to my non-Pinoy readers e.g. Luke !)

Have a Nice Weekend Everyone!

.:. ANO’NG STUDENT NUMBER MO?
95-29614

.:. NAKAPASA KA BA OR WAITLISTED?
Pasado!

.:. PAANO MO NALAMAN ANG ENTRANCE EXAM RESULT?
Tinawagan ng upper batch mate nung high school na nag- aaral na sa UP Manila. Tapos nakakuha ako ng letter from the university( Si Sergio Cao pa ang Registrar noon!).

.:. FIRST CHOICE MO BA ANG UP?
Of course! at ng tatay at nanay ko ;)

.:. ALAM MO BA ANG UPG SCORE MO?
Siyempre! pero secret..walang clue.

.:. ANO ANG FIRST CHOICE MO NA COURSE?
Actually wala akong direction that time so pinili ko BAA ( sabi kasi ng mga pinsan ko ok daw 'to).

.:. SECOND CHOICE?
HRA. Sabi naman ng tatay ko ok din daw ito. Kasi may Business side din parang BA or BAA.

.:. ANO NAGING COURSE MO?
ano pa eh di HRA. feeeling glamorous ako sa course ko! (lol)

.:. NAGPLANO KA BANG MAG-SHIFT?
ng school.. at one point. kasi na frustrate ako sa tagal ng enlistment ng Chem 16. One Week tapos ang gulo gulo. Pila dito.. pila doon kahit alas singko ng umaga may pila na. Tapos minsan last digit or first digit of your student number or EPN ang siste ng enlistment minsan naman bunutan ng ID! naloka ako! sabi ko sa mga magulang ko buti pa sa DLSU or ADMU computerized! So napaisip ako na lumipat.

.:. NAKAPAG-DORM KA NA BA?
Kind of. Pero hindi sa loob ng campus. Sa Xavierville nung freshie pa ako kasama mga atenista kong friendly friends.

.:. NAKA UNO KA NA BA?
OO naman! P.E. ---> Camping!

.:. NAGKA-3?
hay! oo .. Chem 16.

.:. HIGHEST GRADE:
Uno!

.:. LOWEST:
4 needed to do the removal exam for Math 100 ---> Math is my Waterloo...

.:. WORST EXPERIENCE SA UP:
Walang katapusan na Pila---> UP = University of Pila!
Umulan ng malakas isang beses. Wala kaming kotse. Kailangan naming maglakad or sumakay ng jeep papuntang Math Building from AS kaso wala ding jeep so lakad kami kaso bumaha! Ayun...naglakad kami sa ulan. Basa sapatos pumasok for Math 17.


.:. LAGI KA BANG PUMAPASOK SA KLASE?
Hmmmnnn... depende sa klase. Madali akong ma BI (Bad Influence) tumambay, kumain, or manood ng sine :)

.:. ANO’NG ORG MO?
UP JMA ---> da best!

.:. MAY SCHOLARSHIP KA BA?
Wala. Di ako kasama sa bracket ng STFAP ....

.:. PINANGARAP MO BANG MAG-CUM LAUDE?
Bago ako pumasok ng UP, Idealistic pa ako pero nung pumasok na ako .. hindi na!

.:. KELAN KA NAGTAPOS?
1999

.:. FAVE PROF (s):
Dizer ( P.E. ---> ka drinking session din namin!), Villanueva ( HRA subject), Guggenheim

.:. WORST TEACHER (s):
that maniac Philo 1 teacher! laging girls lang ang tinatawag for recitation! Palileo--> Chem teacher na walang ginawa kundi manindak ng mga estudyante!

.:. FAVE SUBJECT (s):
HRA's Beverage Class ( all we did was study different kinds of beverages and taste test them! lasing pagkatapos ng class but we learned a lot!)

.:. WORST SUBJECT (s):
Math 17

.:. FAVE LANDMARK:
AS 101 near the pond, AS Steps...

.:. BUILDING:
H.E. , A.S., and BA

.:. PABORITONG KAINAN:
pag may pera Chocolate Kiss! pag normal days Tea Room sa H.E. --> Grilled Cheese Sandwich at Iced tea for 20 pesos!.

.:. NOONG ESTUDYANTE KA PA MAGKANO BA ANG BINABAYAD MO SA JEEP?
P 1.25

.:. LAGI KA BA SA LIB?
Yes... sarap matulog lalo na sa Econ Lib! Pero nag research din ako for thesis sa H.E. lib---> nagbasa ng mga fashion magazina at lumang issue ng Woman Today at Liwayway pero on the side nagbasa din naman ako ng Hotel journals !

.:. NAGPUNTA KA BA SA CLINIC NUNG MINSANG NAGKASAKIT KA?
Never! Pumunta ako sa infirmary once para tingnan kung anong oras and derma ( kaartehan ko!)/

.:. MAY CRUSH KA BA SA CAMPUS?
oo naman.. guapo ni mike templo..

.:. BF/GF?
Yes pero not from school. Nasa high school pa bf ko non.

.:. MAY BALAK KA BA MAG-MASTERS O MAG-PHD?
dati oo. pero ang layo ko na sa UP .. wish ko pa din mag MBA.

.:. ANU-ANO ANG MGA NAGING PE MO?
Bowling, Camping, Running for fitness , Weight Training

.:. KAMUSTA NAMAN ANG BLOCK NYO?
nye! napunta ako sa Computer Science na block for some weird reason. Di ko na sila nakikita!

.:. NAKAPANOOD KA NA BA NG GRADUATION SA UP?
Nope. Never.

.:. MEMORIZE MO BA ANG ALMA MATER SONG?
hanggang UP Naming Mahal lang alam ko kahit every 8pm may flag ceremony....

.:. MEMBER KA BA NG UP VARSITY TEAM?
Nope.

.:. NAKA-PERFECT KA NA BA NG EXAM?
OO naman!

.:. ANO’NG AYAW MO SA FINALS WEEK?
Kapag hindi ako exempted for the Finals...

.:. DITO KA BA NATUTONG UMINOM NG BEER?
sama mo na ang Aperitif, Wines, Spirits, pati Basi!

.:. ANO’NG GUSTO MO SA UP?
ang mga acacia trees, ang walang pakialamanan ng trip, ang Oblation Run, ang Lantern Parade, ang mga Promil kids ko na kaklase na nakapambahay or pantulog minsan kung pumasok sa klase.

.:. ANO’NG AYAW MO?
ngayon, ang mga nagbebenta ng Dried Mangoes na kakatok pa sa klase to interrupt para lang magbenta.

.:. MAGANDA BA ID PIC MO?
Red and suot ko na T-shirt sa picture. Nakalimutan ko red nga pala ang background color kaya mukha akong floating face!

.:. MAY GINAWA KA NA BANG ILLEGAL SA LOOB NG CAMPUS?
Wala naman akong matandaan...

Kung ikaw ay naging Iskolar ng Bayan, malaya kang sagutin ang mga katanungang ito :)

Growing up in the Philippines, I was so familiar with the typical dining set up at home a plate, spoon and fork , bowl of rice, viand or "ulam" and a glass of water ( on special occasions coke).We were a normal remote happy family who all skipped breakfast or maybe eat a piece or two of pandesal with coffee and then have a hearthy lunch and dinner. Being in this kind of set up I underestimated the use ofthe knife! For some bizaare reason, we seldom have a knife set up in our dining table and I never asked my parents why. I looked in the cupboards and see that my mom has the whole set of cutleries but the star of the dining table was always the spoon and fork. I figured with my little mind then that the knives were only used for special occasions.

Then things got complicated, I went to hotel school and learned that there were more to the family of the Spoon and Fork. From the spoon alone there's the soup spoon, dinner spoon, dessert spoon, teaspoon, demi spoons to start with. Then I had to learn the rest of the itsy bitsy relatives of the fork and the knife plus the plates and the different kinds of glasses ( heck I only knew the water glass and the coffee cups we used at home).This is where I was introduced to the array of choices one has to make in wining and dining. Oddly enough, when I eat at home, we still have the same spoon and fork set up. I was thinking, how would I eat rice without the spoon?

The first years of marriage are the discovery years and true enough you still find something out about your partner no matter how long you've been together before getting married. One night, my husband and I were about to eat dinner when he made a comment.. " Babe, I'm not Filipino, I don't use spoon and fork for dinner. I need the knife!" Then I realized that old habits are hard to break. Here I am with all my knowledge on food and beverage still setting up the same spoon and fork my mom used to set up at home! Is this a Filipino thing? what is it with Pinoys eating with spoon and fork? I am pretty sure the knives are of help and serve their purpose but we just don't use them enough, do we? Or is it a French thing to have a complete set of cutleries and dine in complete style from aperitif with a few glasses of pastis to entreé or appetizer and le plat principal or main course. Then end with a single or double espresso in a demi tasse with the appropriate demi spoon and some digestif ( alcoholic drinks to help in digestion) .

After that incident,when I set up the table, I do the whole nine yards everyday.I even do folded napkins just for a normal dinner or lunch!I told myself, it wouldln't hurt to retrain my brain that the dining table at home is not all about spoon and fork only. There's a whole set of cutleries waiting to be unleashed not mentioning the flatwares and glasswares. But lo and behold! just the other night, my husband said " I think I'm becoming more Filipino. I don't use my knife that often anymore".

Oh I just laughed and realized, spoon and fork is not so bad at all depending on what you eat and where you eat. I have good lunch and dinner memories in the Philippines with spoon and fork used at the dining table sans the whole hulaballoo. At the end of the day, aside from the meal itself, a happy dine in experience for me will not be complete without the company of friends and loved ones to share the meal with. So I can live without the knife unless of course we have steak to serve ( winks).

I woke up today, turned on the television and found myself watching a BBC documentary about the Beslan School Hostage/Bombing last Sept 2004.It was actually filmed for HBO and was aptly titled Children of Beslan (or click this for a synopsis). They were interviewing some of the children who survived the three day hell. Chechenya claimed responsibility for this attack and it was one of the biggest and horrible news I have heard.This documentary was really really chilling and sad. Grief, agony, pain, suffering , joy, and even harry potter prove to be universal in this film.

I'm still recovering from watching the show. If you do have the opportunity, please watch it.

Yesterday afternoon, I was full of joy knowing that it's my husband's birthday. Now, I'm the total opposite. Eager beaver that I am, I was patiently waiting for X, my husband, to come home from work so that we could have at least a nice dinner together on his birthday. Since there was a big party at work for the General Manager by the pool, he could not leave early and said he'd be home around 10pm or maybe 11pm. That was fine with me and I figured I will just put on a couple of DVDs and kill time by watching the whole Season ender of Sex and the City. At around six o'clock, X came home to change his contacts and I reminded him to bring our camera to take pictures of his dessert buffet since he made an "under the sea/coral" theme. You see, X always forgets to take pictures of his work and yesterday since I reminded him to bring the camera, for the first time, he was able to take pictures of his buffet.

Then the evening came. I was in the company of four Manhattan girls who had a fabulous friendship and had to deal with the changes with their respective lives when I got a phone call from X. It was already 930pm and he said the function is very busy and his boss asked him to have a beer or two after work just to unwind and celebrate his birthday. I urged him to go since they will just be inside the hotel and his boss is one door away from our flat anyway but he insisted on not going and said he wanted to spend time with me even on the fewremaining hours of his birthday. The conversation went on and we decided that he was going to call before he comes home so I would have time to cook or prepare something no matter how late it was. With that, I went back to watching Carrie being swept away with Romance from her Russian lover that she decided to go with him to Paris.

At 1:30 am the doorbell rings. I opened the door and see X in front of me soaking wet from head to toe. I was in shock. He said, his staff threw him in the pool after the party because it was his birthday. I kissed him and realized he had drunk beer already. In my mind,I was seeing the red light alarm going off with big flashing letters TIPSY in front of me. I told him to change and asked him again what happened. Then he repeated what he said. He was thrown in the pool by the waiters and all his staff after the party. Plain and simple. I asked him if he was ok and he said he was. Then I asked him what happened to his mobile. He said his boss conveniently borrowed his mobile just before he got thrown in the pool. Then I asked about the camera. Of course it was in his pocket and swam with him in the pool. I checked the cam and it wasn't working anymore. Then I saw his mobile in separate pieces. He said when he came up from being thrown he decided to push his boss in the pool after. And so there goes his mobile in the pool as well (unconfirmed info) .

I could not help but get confused. I did not know how to react but then I realized my husband is not a teenager anymore and this kind of stuff normally happens to boys not men and heck! it was MY camera, a birthday gift from him from last year! Just because they decided to be kids things turned out to like this.

So what happend last night? Three things.
1. I spent the night alone eating chips and watching SATC during my husband's birthday.
2. My camera is now officially dead.
3. My husband is pissed off with my overall reaction on the whole thing and the remaining days of the week will be spent in cold silence.

Shit happens...

Dolmabahçe Palace

This is the famous Dolmabahçe Palace, my next door neighbor. It is located on the European side of Istanbul along the shores of the Bosphorus . This palace used to be the residence of the Ottoman Sultans in the 1800s and was the residence of the founder of the Turkish Republic , Mustafa Kemal Ataturk . It has 285 rooms , 43 salons ( which are basically waiting rooms for guests of the Sultans or the former president) and six Turkish Baths ( hamams as they call it here) . On the other wing, almost two thirds of the whole palace, is where the women's quarters are. This place is where all the mistress and ladies of the Sultans stayed.

In English, the word Dolmabahçe translates to "filled garden" as the palace is surrounded with well manicured gardens similar to the luscious ones we can see at the Château de Versailles in France. Actually the whole interior of this palace is very french in style since it was designed by the famous French decorator Sechan, the designer of the Paris Opera. You can easily get lost inside with all the rooms and salons. The furniture are still intact, even the carpets. The highlight of the whole palace is the room where the world's largest chandelier hangs, the State Room. As the name suggests, this room was used to entertain foreign delegates or dignitaries and it is HUGE!

As my husband and I walked along the corridors of this palace, I couldn't help but imagine how grand this place must be in its glory days. Ordinary people like us would probably not even get close to the area where this palace is, but now, I am neighbors with it (as in 100 meters away from it). I feel privileged to have a palace just around the corner but I'd still prefer the good ol' neighbors whom I can go to when I run out of milk or eggs...

Right now, I'd settle for the guard standing patiently at the Dolmabahçe gates, constantly reminding me that my neighbors are not the ordinary.. they were great sultans and president...the only thing is, they are all dead.

If you went to our flat the last three days, you would not imagine it as a place where people stay. In fact, you would probably think you are in a warehouse. Boxes stacked on top of each other are in every nook and cranny of our place. Our shipment has arrived! FINALLY... after 10 whole months of living on a suitcase, now we are reunited with our old sofa, TV set, and all those kitchen appliances and gadgets that we have ( not that we have a lot!).

For the last three months, I was eagerly waiting for that knock on our door from the shipment company with all 40 boxes we have and now it is here. I cannot express the joy I have seeing our stuff but I was going crazy over the fact that I will have the lone task of unpacking everything. The shipment company asked us if we would need help in unpacking our stuff but husband dear refused the offer because he said it was more fun to unpack by ourselves. He just forgot to mention one thing. Most of the time he was busy at work and I was left on my own doing all the unpacking. Boy was I so anxious to get to the last box and just finish the whole thing so I can go to our pc and do my blogging ( hihihi) but unpacking proved to be an art that needs to me mastered.

First, you need to gather your essential tool which is your handy cutter or a paring knife( the little one you use to peel a fruit). This will be used to cut through the tape on top of the box. You need to do a fast and straight cut just betweent the tape so it directly opens the first two flaps of then box. After this you just need to do a swift motion to cut the tape that holds the reamining two flaps and voila! your box is open.

Next thing to do is to take out the gazillions of paper stuffed inside ( which basically served as a cushion to the things inside the box). I felt bad for all the trees cut just seeing the amount of paper they were able to stuff inside. I could fill a small room just with the paper alone.

At last, I saw my precious shoes. The ones I bought in Manila ( thank God for Janylin!) and our precious dibidi which is basically a mix of originals and Greenhills buys. Then I just couldn't stop opening one box after the other. I felt like a machine doing this but after opening quite a number of boxes, I decided to stop and slack a bit. Then the sentimental in me kicked in and I felt nostalgic looking at at all the two-hole electric sockets we have over here in Istanbul and the mostly three pinned sockets of our appliances. Weird as it may sound but it made me realized that my sockets need to be adjusted ones again to what is acceptable in the place I am living in.

I am still not finish with unpacking. I left two boxes unopened.One with the microwave inside and the other with a case full of chinese flatware.I feel I have no need to open the now. I have no plans of holding a lauriat party in our flat anytime soon and we have a microwave oven here compatible with the socket of this country. So... as the need will arise, that will be the time I will open those two boxes or when I want to practice the art of unpacking! hehehehe

About Me

Name: duke

Location: Istanbul, Türkiye

A first time mom to baby A living as an expat in Istanbul, Turkey.

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