Confessions of an Expat's Wife
from one country to another,thousands of miles earned, different languages to get by with, cultures and expectations to live with plus millons of photos taken to tell the adventures of my lifeSeptember 25, 2005
What You Won't Do ...
What are the things you won't do for love?
I was an independent woman trying to climb up the corporate ladder back in the Philippines. I had a goal and tried to work hard to achieve it. I came from an average family and just like every Pinoy son or daughter, I wanted to see my parents and family live comfortably as a way of thanking them for all the years they took care of me. It was my time to take care of them. I stayed focus and sometimes learned things the hard way but still I was set on my goal to be a successful career woman. This was how I measured success. If I had a management position, a high paying job, and enough money to take me out on night outs with friends even if I had to set aside some to take care of the house bills. If I was really successful, then I would be able to travel and visit different countries on vacation through the money I saved without worrying about the bills at home.
If you are Filipino and lived in the Philippines most of your life, you will know what I mean. It is quite normal for us to "contribute" financially to our family ( meaning parents and siblings) especially since we find ourselves living in the same house even if we are over the age limit ---> Read: 21 years old and above. Plus of course the fact that we normally cannot fend for ourselves at such young age(??!) and will rely heavily on our parents still.It is not unusual to find an underpaid and overworked Pinoy in and outside of the Philippines and yet we still manage to hold on to these jobs to make ends meet. If given a choice, of course we would rather have a better job and provide more for our families but there aren't many choices around!
Extended families are always part of the Pinoy culture. Lolo and lola stays with mommy and daddy together with the kids. Sometimes, even if the kids get married they still stay at home with the whole family together with the new addition ( meaning wife or husband and future babies). It is seldom that we find a family that will volunteer to have their grandparents put in a Nursing Home. That is tantamount to being not caring ang loving enough or like what we say in Tagalog "walang utang na loob". We just do not do that to our family no matter what and I am darn proud of it. We have strong family ties and no one can take that away from us. Sometimes, this also becomes a reason why we never succeed. We get stuck in the moment and find ourselves living and working in gratitude for our family.
So again, what are the things you won't do for love?
As for me, I left my job, sacrificed my career or whatever future I might have with work to marry the person I love. I swallowed hard and left my parents in Manila to see the world outside the Philippines and be with the one I love. At one point, I felt guilty leaving them behind. I owe them so much to just turn my back at them but I knew just by seeing the loving look in their eyes when my husband talked to them and asked their permission to marry me that they are willing to let go of me. They love me too much to make me stay.
I can never say enough thanks to my parents for the life the have given me and even if I am thousands of miles away from them, I still have them in my thoughts each and every day.
Now, I don't earn my own money. I am relatively "new" in this country and continously struggling to find my place in this world. Life is just full of surprises. My measure of success totally changed.
Do you think it's worth it?
My goal in life now is to see my love ones happy with or without money. Happiness and contentment is bliss but don't get me wrong though, I still would not mind winning the Euromillion or any lottery for that matter! It can be a lot of help in attaining my goal.
"Some people go around the world for love
But they may never find what they dream of
What you won't do, do for love
You've tried everything but you don't give up
In my world only you makes me do
For love what I would not do
But then I only want the best it's true
They can't believe the things I do for you
What you won't do, do for love
You've tried everything but you don't give up
In my world, only you makes me do
For love what I would not do
Makes me do for love what I would not do..."
-- What You Won't Do For Love by Bobby Caldwell.
27 Comments:
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Gayzha said... I lurve this post... something that i can really relate to ... sa totoo lang neh, kasi nga panganay kasi ako kaya feel na feel ko ang mga responsibilities na to. And all my close friends are the same.
...To the point that i reached a conclusion (whenever i get distracted) that these values truly define me as a person. And what truly defines you - make you genuinely happy and blessed !!!
... Makatao, makabuluhan, may patutungohan...-
Dr. Emer said...
What I did for love yung life story ko, Duke. Mahaba. Kawawa ang comment system mo kung ikkuwento ko dito. *LOL*
Maybe next time you visit Manila. Kwento ko sayo over coffee. :)-
Gayzha said...
hi duke,
errata sa spelling: patutunguhan ..ano ba yan? excited kasi ako to post that...
sa totoo lang... the main reason why we are so attached to our family as you said is because of LOVE nga. In fact, this is the vey example of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, sometimes absent in other culture... and they could not understand why.-
duke said...
hi jhaya!
pareho pala tayong panganay! I tell you, even if I am married I still find myself thinking what's happening to my parents in Manila all the time. This makes me stronger and inspires me to do more and be the best person that I can.
There is this certain feeling inside you that tells you life is all about finding ways to make your love ones happy. This gives you the happiness and inspiration!-
duke said...
doc emer- naku! that would be an interesting story and I sure won't miss that.
Sige, I'll take you on that coffee plus the story when I get back to Manila :)-
duke said...
jhaya!
hehehehe cute nga ng spelling mo eh :)
I agree with what you said. Unconditional love makes everything in life worth it.-
YelJay said...
I like your post very much. I can really relate to it as I too sometimes support my poor relatives aside from my own family even when I was back in Manila (I am now in Dubai. I've been following up with your blog and I find it full of amusing and interesting anecdotes. I hope you wouldn't mind if I link you up with my blog? Cheers!
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said... Shet na alala ko, kailangan ko palang mag REMIT sa bangko kay MAMA sa Pinas.
You see - this is what most single person do, I don't mind helping at all because it's an obligation kahit nde na kailangan pero nde mo matiis ang familia mo.
Family that prays together, sticks together sabi nga sa mga nakabitay sa mga JEEPNEY at sa mga nakapinta dito.
Bakit pang OSCARS ang POSTS mo ngayon? Na ho-homesick ka ba? Magluto ka ng monggo na may tinapa at kunting taba-taba, damihan mo tapos mamigay ka sa kapitbahay mo!
Cheers!-
duke said...
hi Knozki!
hahah di naman pang OSCARS angd ating ng post ko ah! I just can't help but wonder how I constantly amaze myself with the paths I take and decisions I make. Pero... bear in mind pa din pamilya sa Pinas.-
Noemi said...
hi duke! musta ka na po? hope your okay lagi *smile*....relate ako sa post mong eto..hehehe just like you, panganay din ako and kahit may sarili na akong pamilya, inaasikaso ko pa din mga kapatid at tatay ko..hehehe have a nice day sis! take care always..mwaah!! salamat sa palaging mong pagbisita sa akin!!* smile*
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Airwind said...
wow really interesting.... just to answer ur question if its worthy? yung ginawa m? of course as long as your happy with ur decision and ur parents approved it.. i think its more than enough para maging karapat-dapat yung desisyon mo... smile a lot!!! im sure ur family misses you too...
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MrsPartyGirl said...
hi duke! i know exactly what you mean about dropping everything to follow your heart. been there, done that!:D in my case, though, i have been lucky that my parents (and the rest of my family) are self-sufficient, so hindi ko sila masyadong inalala when i made my decision. mostly, the change directly affected me and how it drastically altered my previous way of life. i have no regrets, though. its worth it :D
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JO said...
hi duke, I can relate to your topic... hmmmm... maybe I should write the things I would do for love in my own blog as I dont want to take up your space... :-)
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silentmode_v2 said...
feeling homesick now duke..hehehe?
anyway, we've been aware of our close family ties so much but your parents did was the benefit of your true happiness and theirs too.
if they see you're happy, they're happy.
jobs and money are only temporary... you can replace it anyhow... but not love. :)-
duke said...
dubainewbie- hello there! thanks for passing by and reading my posts. I guess no matter what where I am, I just a Pinoy at heart:)
sure let's exchange links. passed by your site too! nice reads!
hello noemi- kamusta na? You're so sweet:) take care.
airwind- salamat sa kind words.hay ang love talaga! you can be surprised what you can do for love... hehehehe-
duke said...
mrspartygirl- so true what you said about the changes we have to go through once we followed our heart and it is worth it!
jo - hahahahaha! sure .. abangan ko in your blog :)
jeff- hihihi.. just a little bit!
It's getting colder here and the weather affects my brain ;)-
said...
I can so relate to this post of yours. Na-touch ako. average family, striving to make it in the corporate world. But I know that it was as worth it for you as it was for me. Sabi ko nga, bago ako nagdecision na magpakasal sa asawa ko, katakot-takot na dasal ang ginawa ko. You know, for God's will. I know my parent's are happy for me because they know I am happy too.
haha, come to think of it, kapag tumatawag ako sa Pinas, mas gusto pang kausap ng tatay ko ang asawa ko kesa sa akin. hehe.-
said...
duke! love this post. i know a lot of people with the same story as yours - am the same, although am 2nd child. in my case, sure - it's all worth it - leaving a lot behind to be with the one you love.
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Punzi said...
Haaaayyyy love... Grabe talaga yang emotion na yan. Been so hurt because of that I haven't even begun to dissect it in my blog. Maybe next time.
Like you, I sacrificed a lot because of love. I was supposed to go to Harvard for my masters. But that all changed because of love. And for what?
Wait a minute! This isn't my blog...!-
duke said...
hello sunshine!
cute naman nyan ng relationship ng parents mo with your hubby :)
It's true.When your parents know that you are happy, for suer they will support you no matter what. Liek what Jhaya said.. it's all about unconditional love.-
duke said...
isay- haaa love talaga! I'm just such a girly girl and I for me, I think what I did was worth it :) I was surprised with my decision but I'm glad did it.
Atty. Punzi - Wow! That is a big sacrifice and love just conquers everything, huh?!
Sige Dr. Phil este Atty. :)-
Analyse said...
homesick?
i can so relate with this. a struggling gal trying to climb that corporate ladder, and then, just when your there, independent and all, ayan na si mr kupido...well, that's love...
with all the fears that i had, frenchguy moved me by saying 'how can you know it if you won't give it a try?' oo nga naman...so there you go, left everything behind and now, tracing my path slowly ... but surely..
with family, yep, kahit di ako panganay, i still feel responsible. sometimes, pag me big decisions to take, or just any problem, i have this urge to be there and discuss the problem with them, ako kasi ang decision maker sa min, so imagine the phone bill hehehe..
financially, i prefer that they stand on their own and be proud of what they could achieve..di rin sila nanghihingi sa kin so good deal hehe..
haba na, namiss ko lang kasi ang blogging hehe, been busy...have a great weekend dukie..-
Simon says said...
Hi there. Well I will tell it from the flip side, and I am a little freaked out how similar my life and my wifes life is to yours and your husbands.
My wife is Filipina like yourself who has worked in 5 star hotels as a career, and I have worked in 5 star hotels as a career. My wife and I met in Dubai, in hotels of course, and she gave up her life to be with me. I returned to Australia for a new posting, my wife went back to Philippines to do the Visa, then followed to Australia. Not 8 months later I had a new posting, and we are in Seoul, Korea. You living out of a suitcase, receiving the boxes finally from shipping, and so many of the stories we relate too.
Anyway enough from me, just wanted to say I enjoy the blog. Here is ours - http://www.aussieinseoul.blogspot.com/-
duke said...
ana- I was feeling a little under the weather the past days missing family in the Philippines! I am better now though.
haaaayyy buhay! what we do for love :)-
duke said...
mrpogi - there's still time.. puede mo pa silang hanapin at pagpilian ;)
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duke said...
hello simon!
It's really nice to know that there is someone like you guys who go through similar experiences. It's a continous rode to discovery and (mis)adventures!-
dreaming-neko said...
it takes alot of sacrifice to live your dreams and follow your heart... where ever it may take you.
so cheers to you, sweet duke! :)
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